Before the advent of the internet, long-distance love relationships
were rare. Most people met their mates in school, through a friend
or neighbor, at a party or in a bar. In today's world, it is not
unusual for men and women to connect online who live hundreds and
even thousands of miles apart.
She lives in Connecticut, he lives in Idaho or she lives in England
and he lives in Texas. They exchange emails for awhile, then
progress to letters, photos and phone calls. Then finally expensive
airline tickets are purchased and they meet! They like each other's
looks, there is a great deal of chemistry, they spend several days
or a week together. They have fun, they communicate well, sex is
great!
Then one or both have to return to jobs, business, family or other
commitments. They reluctantly part for who knows how long? They have
declared their love for each other. Even agreed to marry but plans
must be made and life continues while the lovers are apart.
Keeping love alive while separated can be made easier with a plan:
Both of you should agree to be open and honest with each other.
Discuss your insecurities and areas of vulnerability.
Talk about thoughts and feelings. This can help you know more about
each other than people who are married for many years.
Talk on the phone as often as financially possible. Search for
bargain long-distance plans or phone calling cards.
Buy a video camera. You can IM each other and see each other at the
same time with no extra cost.
Decide on a time when you can each go outside and look at the stars
while thinking of each other. This can be a very intense and
spiritual experience.
Decide what constitutes infidelity in each one's mind and what is
considered harmless social activity. If one of you wants to go out
with friends and have a few drinks, how is this viewed by the other
party? If you wish to dance with a member of the opposite sex, is
this viewed as a social activity or infidelity? If you remain
friends with an opposite-sex long-time friend, how is this viewed by
your beloved?
Never end a phone conversation on an angry note. Agree to cool off
for an hour and then call back when you are both in a better, calmer
frame of mind.
When you are feeling down or extra lonely, it helps to talk to
friends who are understanding of your long distance love. These
friends will not tell you negative things about your mate and will
not suggest that he or she may not be trustworthy.
Photos, photos, photos. Send them weekly.
Do not stagnate while you are apart. Continue to do things that
interest you instead of allowing yourself to become depressed and
obsessively focusing on the time when the two of you are together
again.
Engage in virtual sex. Tension builds up while you are apart.
Sharing self-gratification with your lover while on the phone, in a
letter or online can make the experience so much better. You can
both learn to describe your fantasies and what turns you on so that
it is so much better when you get together.
By remaining faithful to each other despite the time
apart and the distance, you're showing each other that it's safe to
trust. During this time, the two of you are growing bonds that will
sustain you in problems you may face in the future because you have
survived the very difficult relationship pressure of long distance
love.
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